Tim Maude Hypnotherapy

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  • Poor Self-Esteem: Getting Out of the Negative Spiral

    Poor Self-Esteem: Getting Out of the Negative Spiral

    Not everyone has the self-esteem of politicians. In fact, there are some (or maybe many) politicians whose self-confidence comes over as arrogance. But it is the people at the other end of the scale that I want to talk about today – those people who lack self-esteem.

    For those people who don’t really believe in themselves, life can be miserable – always holding back, always thinking everyone else is better than them. They don’t believe that they can achieve anything in their lives and don’t believe they are worth anything.

    What are the Signs of Someone Who Lacks Self-Esteem?

    People who have poor self-esteem will often have some or all of the following characteristics:

    • An almost constant feeling of anxiety.
    • They have little confidence in taking decisions.
    • Their lives seem to be controlled by other people’s decisions.
    • They believe that everyone else is somehow better than themselves.
    • When there is a problem, they tend not to ask others for help.
    • When someone compliments them, they tend to believe that person is lying.
    • They don’t do new things because they are afraid they won’t do them well enough.
    • They don’t say “No” when asked to do something which isn’t their responsibility.
    • They spend a lot of time doing things just to please other people.
    • They are never proud of their achievements.

    Can You Do Something About Low Self-Esteem?

    Why is it difficult to do something about poor self-esteem? The answer is simple. If you have poor self-esteem, if you don’t believe in yourself, then you don’t believe you are capable of change. But, of course, you are quite capable of changing, even though you don’t believe it.

    It is hard to change a belief about yourself. It feels like you are attempting to pull yourself up into the air by holding onto your ankles and lifting. If you don’t believe you can do it – why start?

    I am writing this today to let you know, in no uncertain terms, that you can do something about it. You don’t have to have the arrogance of some politicians (you know the ones I am talking about), but to have an honest understanding of what you are capable of achieving leads to a happier life. And a better understanding of your own self-worth leads to a more balanced view of yourself.

    What Can You Do To Tackle Low Self-Esteem?

    There is a lot of advice that people will give you about tackling low self-esteem – such as being kind to yourself and challenging negative thoughts. If you can manage to do these on your own then go for it! There is no better therapy than doing it yourself.

    However, it is often difficult to be your own therapist, so you may want to see a counsellor or CBT therapist for example. As always, I would recommend hypnotherapy.

    Hypnotherapy is an Excellent Aid to Low Self-Esteem

    Hypnotherapy is good for people with low self-esteem because it address the sub-conscious and those limiting beliefs that cause the problem in the first place.

    I work out of my hypnotherapy clinic in Fleet, Hampshire as well as working with clients online. I focus on issues around anxiety, and poor self-esteem often goes hand-in-hand with anxiety. If you want to Contact Me, I will be happy to arrange a few minutes chat about it.

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  • Can Hypnotherapy Fix Me?

    Can Hypnotherapy Fix Me?

    This is a question that I am asked from time to time: Can hypnotherapy “fix” my anxiety / depression / lack of confidence / fear of flying etc. People come to me with a problem and want it to be fixed – just as if they had broken a bone and went to the doctor to get it mended.

    We are used to going to the doctor and getting some medication, having an operation, or receiving some other treatment that fixes a physical problem. Issues that have a mental element are not like that. As a hypnotherapist, I cannot get inside my client’s brain and adjust things like a surgeon.

    So What Does Hypnotherapy Do?

    Fortunately, the human brain is very flexible. We often refer to the plasticity of the brain – that is, its ability to adjust and change. I am not talking about physically changing the brain, rather rewiring it. It is more like changing the programming of the brain, rather than mending its different parts.

    Hypnotherapy can help the brain become more plastic, so that ways that we have been accustomed to feeling or doing can change more easily. It is not the hypnotherapist that is doing the fixing – it is the person being hypnotised who is doing it for themselves. The hypnotherapist is just making it easier for them to change.

    What Sort of Changes Can Hypnotherapy Help With?

    Anytime a person feels bad, has intrusive thoughts, or feels compelled to do something that they know is bad for them – that is when hypnotherapy can help:

    • When someone has feelings that they don’t want – anxiety, depression, fear, anger and the like.
    • When someone has thoughts that they don’t want – worry, remorse, self-criticism and so on.
    • When someone feels compelled to do something that they don’t want – self-harm, smoking, picking at their skin or hair etc.

    We all teach our brain to do all sorts of things, and sometimes we inadvertently teach it to do something that is not helpful. Hypnotherapy is all about reprogramming the brain to change those things into something that is more useful.

    And Finally …

    I help all sorts of people who are feeling, thinking or doing something that is not good for them. I use hypnotherapy to help them get into a better place. I work from my clinic in Fleet, Hampshire and also online. If your would like to Contact Me, I would be very pleased to have a chat to see how I can help.

    Photo courtesy of Thirdman on Pexels

  • The Comparison Trap That Feeds Anxiety

    The Comparison Trap That Feeds Anxiety

    Comparing ourselves to others is one way that we increase our stress levels. If you have anxiety, then comparing your situation with that of the people around you will simply make the anxiety worse.

    We learn to compare ourselves with others in our childhood. I remember talking to a friend at school asking, “I got 63% in that exam. What did you get?” … and then feeling a sense of disappointment when he told me that he’d scored more than me. Of course, if he had got less than I had, it would have been the other way around.

    How We Compare Ourselves To Others

    It is easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves with others. Are they richer, luckier, healthier, more beautiful, fitter, stronger, better dressed … and so on? That comparison can create a thought or feeling that we are not good enough.

    In these days of social media, this is amplified, as our friends will mostly post about themselves when they are at their best – when they look their best, when they are on a fantastic holiday, or having a great meal. Added to this, we now have other means of comparing ourselves – the number of friends or followers they have, the number of likes they get for their posts and so on.

    What This Does To Our Subconscious

    When we constantly compare ourselves to others unfavourably – that is, when we constantly see ourselves as somehow inferior to people around us, then we build a belief that we are an inferior person. Subconsciously, we are drawn into noticing more and more people who are richer, luckier, healthier etc. and this re-enforces the idea that we are inferior.

    Feeling inferior and bemoaning the idea that other people are better than us creates stress which is re-enforced each day by seeing more and more people who are some way “better”. Ultimately, this will lead to an increase in anxiety and/or depression.

    The Best Attitude: Be Yourself

    Like everyone else, you are unique! No-one else in the world is exactly like you. So be yourself. Be happy with what you are and with what you have. If you want something else – then strive to get it because you want it – not because you want to be better than someone else.

    The world is not fair. Some people have good health and some don’t; some earn a lot of money and others struggle to get by; some are naturally good looking and others not so. I am sorry that life is not always fair, but that is the way it is. You can stress yourself out about it, or you can enjoy your life as it actually is.

    Once you can accept that you don’t have to live up to the lives of others and you are not inferior to others, your life will be a lot easier. There will be less stress and less anxiety.

    And Finally …

    If you struggle with anxiety and find it difficult to lead normal life on your own, you may like to Contact Me. I help people who are only just coping with stress and anxiety using hypnotherapy to help them regain control of their lives. I work from my clinic in Fleet, Hampshire as well as working online.

    Photo by negar nikkhah on Unsplash

  • The GAD Score – Useful for Doctors – But is it Useful for Patents?

    The GAD Score – Useful for Doctors – But is it Useful for Patents?

    As a hypnotherapist, I see many people who have been diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD), and many who have not. Medical doctors like to diagnose their patients. This gives them a label so that they can apply a specific treatment for an identified problem. The question I want to examine is: how useful is a doctor’s diagnosis for people suffering from Anxiety?

    Diagnosing Generalised Anxiety Disorder

    The standard test for Generalised Anxiety Disorder is known as GAD-7. It is a series of seven questions, to which the client can answer: “Not at all”, “Several days”, “More than half the days”, or “Nearly every day” – and are given each a score of 0, 1, 2 or 3 respectively for each question. The questions are:

    Over the last 2 weeks, how often have you been bothered by the following problems?

    1. Feeling nervous, anxious or on edge
    2. Not being able to stop or control worrying
    3. Worrying too much about different things
    4. Trouble relaxing
    5. Being so restless that it is hard to sit still
    6. Becoming easily annoyed or irritable
    7. Feeling afraid as if something awful might happen

    By adding up the scores for the seven questions, the doctor comes to the following diagnosis:

    • 0-5 mild anxiety
    • 6-10 moderate anxiety
    • 11-15 moderately severe anxiety
    • 15-21 severe anxiety.

    Based on the score, the doctor will choose an appropriate treatment plan.

    Critique of GAD-7

    In answering these questions, the patient must come up with a subjective assessment. For example, question 1 “Feeling nervous, anxious or on edge” We all know that feeling nervous can range from something very mild to something extreme. So the answer is subjective, and therefore two people with the same level of nervousness may answer this question differently.

    A small change in the answer to a question could change the diagnosis from, say moderate anxiety to moderately severe anxiety, or vice versa. This could change the treatment plan that the doctor prescribes.

    Fortunately, doctors are usually savvy enough to understand borderline cases and the subjectivity of assessment. They will have the leeway to change their prescribed treatment plan if they think that the GAD-7 score does not reflect reality.

    Does the GAD-7 Score Matter to the Patient?

    In my opinion, the GAD score should not matter to the patient. There is just one question that the patient should be asking themselves:

    Does my anxiety effect my life so much that I need to do something about it?

    If the answer is “yes”, then it does not matter what the diagnosis says. They need to start looking for a solution. However, if the answer is “no”, then they can carry on life as normal.

    Ways to Tackle Anxiety

    There are broadly three ways to tackle anxiety:

    • Self-help – change your life in some way to improve the situation
    • Medication – Go to your GP to get a diagnosis and anti-anxiety medication
    • Therapy – Either through your GP or privately – choose a type of therapy that suits you

    And Finally …

    Of all the types of therapy that are available, hypnotherapy is very effective at helping people regain control of their lives and return to normality. I work as a hypnotherapist in Fleet, Hampshire, as well as online. Contact me if you would like to find out more.

    Photo courtesy of Alex Green in Pexels

  • How to Stay Mentally Fit – the Mental Health Hygiene Triangle

    How to Stay Mentally Fit – the Mental Health Hygiene Triangle

    I spend a lot of time talking about anxiety and what happens when things go wrong, why it happens and what to do about it. Today, I want to take a different approach.

    We brush our teeth each day even when our teeth are healthy. It’s just a dental hygiene habit. But what is the equivalent mental hygiene habit? This article looks at the mental health hygiene triangle.

    Mental Health Hygiene

    The mental health hygiene triangle covers body, mind and attitude. There are things we can do in each of these areas that will support our mental health. I have divided each of the three areas (body, mind and attitude) into three categories, making nine in all.

    Body

    1. Sleep Well – When we are asleep, particularly during the dreaming phase, our brains sort out all the stresses of the day. If we don’t get enough sleep, ours brains do not have time to sort it all out and so we wake up with stress that still needs to be sorted out.
    2. Eat Well – There is growing scientific evidence that eating poorly effects our mental health. In particular, eating a wide variety of plants (vegetables, fruit, nuts, grains and so on) has a positive impact on the gut biome, which in turn gives us a better mental outlook.
    3. Exercise Well – We don’t have to go down to the gym for hours each day (unless you really want to). Even going for a short walk round the block has a positive impact on our mental health.

    I know that not everyone can do all these things, but the more you can make changes to keep the body in shape, the better mental health you will have.

    Mind

    1. Mindfulness – Mindfulness is about focusing one the here and now. Focus your attention on everything you are experiencing right now – for example, the feelings of your arm moving as you raise a cup of coffee to your lips, the change in temperature of your face as the hot air from the coffee hits your face, the light reflected in the surface of the coffee, the taste of the coffee as it hits your tongue and so on. Just practicing mindfulness for a few minutes each day trains your brain to be able to focus on the here and now.
    2. Focus – Train your brain to be able to focus on one thing at a time – get absorbed into watching a film or reading a book, or playing a sport or whatever you like to do. If you notice the odd stray thought enter your mind, just notice it and bring your attention gently back to whatever you are doing.
    3. Reflection – Spend a few minutes each day reflecting on how things are going for you. In particular, notice the things you have experienced that have been good for you, things you have enjoyed – because those are the things you should do more of.

    You need to set aside time each day to practice these things. For me, it’s first thing in the morning over a cup of tea. For you it may be something different.

    Attitude

    1. Positive Thinking – We have a natural tendency to focus our thinking on the stuff that is going wrong in our lives – and this just creates a little bit more stress. So change the balance of your thinking – notice the good things in life when they occur – things that give you those little nuggets of joy in your life – things you are grateful for.
    2. Positive Action – Ask yourself, “What small thing could I do to make my life a bit better?” Then get out and do it – no matter how small. Small positive actions may seem to be trivial in comparison with whatever else is going on in your life, but those actions have a direct impact on your mental health.
    3. Positive Interaction – Spending time interacting with other people in a positive manner has a big positive impact on mental health. It could be chatting with the person at the checkout in the supermarket, a good chat with your friends over a cup of tea, or simply being with others going for a walk.

    Keeping your body healthy; training your mind so that it can be mindful, focused and reflective when you need it to be; and adopting a more positive attitude to life are three major tools you can start using today to improve and then maintain a good state of mental health.

    And Finally …

    If this is not enough for you to get your anxiety under control, and get you into a good mentally healthy state, you may need help. I help people with anxiety get their lives back in control using hypnotherapy from my clinic in Fleet, Hampshire. I can also serve people online. Give me a call or contact me if you want a chat.

  • Goodbye Anxiety: Focusing on the Good Can Supercharge Hypnotherapy

    Goodbye Anxiety: Focusing on the Good Can Supercharge Hypnotherapy

    I often start my hypnotherapy session with a simple question: “What’s been good?” It seems a strange question to ask of a client who has come to me with a life full of anxiety.

    My clients think they have come to talk about their problems, and they find me asking, “What’s good in your life?” Strange though it may seem, talking about the positive really boosts the power of hypnotherapy in sorting out the problems they have with anxiety.

    Breaking the Downward Spiral

    Anxiety can get into a downward spiral. The purpose of anxiety is to get you to focus on the problem in order to sort it out. But thinking about the problem often only makes the matter worse. Anxiety is a bit of a hangover from the time when our ancestors lived in a dangerous world.

    Focusing on problems and the bad things that happen to us all simple adds to the anxiety. The increased anxiety makes us focus on all the bad stuff all over again … and so on into a downward spiral.

    Why Appreciation Matters

    Appreciation isn’t about pretending everything is perfect. It’s about acknowledging the good, the positive aspects of life, even in the midst of difficulty. It’s like shining a spotlight on the tiny green shoots pushing through the bare soil, celebrating the small victories and pockets of joy that exist alongside the challenges.

    Appreciation does more than just make you feel good. It has a profound impact on our minds and bodies. Studies have shown that practicing gratitude can:

    • Reduce stress and anxiety
    • Boost the immune system
    • Improve sleep quality
    • Increase feelings of happiness and well-being
    • Enhance self-esteem and confidence

    Appreciation in Hypnotherapy

    Having a few moments of being positive provides a real boost to hypnotherapy. When you learn to appreciate the good things in life – no matter how small – your subconscious mind relaxes, just a little bit, and allows change to take place. So that when you go into a light hypnotic trance the subconscious is far better able to deal with the backlog of stress and anxiety that has built up.

    Appreciation does not only help boost the power of hypnotherapy. It can be used to decrease the impact of anxiety in your life, even if you don’t have any type of therapy.

    How to Cultivate Appreciation

    Appreciation is a skill that needs practice. You may like to try some of these:

    • Keep a gratitude journal: Take a few minutes each day to write down things you’re grateful for, big or small.
    • Practice mindfulness: Pay attention to the present moment and notice the good things that happen around you, even if they seem insignificant.
    • Express gratitude to others: Let the people in your life know how much you appreciate them.
    • Celebrate your successes: Take time to acknowledge and celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small.
    • Focus on the positive: When you find yourself dwelling on negative thoughts, make a conscious effort to shift your focus to the good things in your life.

    By incorporating these practices into your daily life, you’ll cultivate a more positive mindset and create a foundation for lasting change. Remember, it’s not about ignoring the challenges you face, but rather about acknowledging them while also shining a light on the strengths, resources, and positive aspects that already exist within you.

    Appreciation is a powerful tool, and when used in conjunction with hypnotherapy, it can help you unlock your full potential.

    And Finally

    Not everyone can manage their own anxiety without help. If feel you need some assistance, I help people overcome their anxieties using hypnotherapy. I work from my clinic in Fleet, Hampshire as well as online. Give me a call or drop me a message.

    Yours appreciatively
    Tim

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