Are you a worrier? Do you worry about all the things that might go wrong? Are you constantly anticipating your world falling apart? Maybe you are experiencing anxiety.
Some people are always asking themselves, “What if …?” What if my partner gets ill? What if they have to give up work? What if we don’t have enough money to pay the mortgage or the rent? This is one of the patterns of behaviour that we see in someone suffering from anxiety.
Worry is not the same as anxiety. Worry is enhanced by anxiety. People who have anxiety have different symptoms. One of the most common symptoms is worry.
Anxiety is a natural reaction. If you were to live in a dangerous part of the world, you might well be anxious, because anxiety is the brain’s way of getting you to focus on things that might be dangerous. Anxiety helps you focus on those life-threatening things that might happen in a dangerous world.
The problem happens when the anxiety-inducing part of the brain becomes over-stimulated. It reacts when the situation is not life-threatening, and then it reacts again and again … producing a seemingly endless supply of “what ifs”.
But don’t worry … there are solutions to the problem of ever-constant worry.
The first step is to recognise that these worries are out of proportion with the chances of them happening. This does not stop the worrying per se, but it does help you get a sense of proportion about it all.
The next step is to engage the rational part of your brain. Ask yourself, “Is this likely? Can I do anything about it? Is it the end of the world if it did happen?” If you need to do something about it – then do it, and then move on.
And finally, move on to deliberately focus your mind on something more positive. Notice the positive things in your life and appreciate them. This action directly counteracts the anxiety’s pressure on your brain that gets you to focus on the “what ifs”.
And Finally …
If you want help getting over your worries, then you might like to consider hypnotherapy. I specialise in helping clients with anxiety and/or depression. I work out of my clinic in Fleet, Hampshire as well as online. Contact me if you want a free, no-obligation chat.
The “What If” worry cycle is an anxiety-related problem that most people will have experienced at sometime in their lives. It starts with worrying about something going wrong, and the consequences of what happens next. It is a constant cycle of asking ourselves, “… and then what if …”. This is known as “catastrophising”.
Alison’s Story
Alison arrived home from work one day, sat down, and tried to calm down the stream of thoughts going through her head. As she had left work, her boss had looked towards her in a strange way, and he had not said, “See you tomorrow” as he usually did …
Maybe she had done something wrong … She’d soon know if he asked her to see him tomorrow … Or maybe he was just noting it down to confront her with it at a later date … She tried to think of what she had done that day that might have been wrong … What if she was sacked? … What if she couldn’t find another job? … The rent would go overdue and she’d be kicked out … Maybe Joan would let her sleep on her sofa … But she couldn’t stay there forever …
After a sleepless night, Alison arrived at work the next day, only to find that her boss had been so preoccupied with something else, he had not even see her leave work.
Other Examples of the Worry Cycle
If I fail my exams, I won’t get the job I want, then my life will be ruined.
This spot on my arm could turn out to be cancer – I might die and what would my kids do then?
My teenager is not back from the party she went to. What if she has had her drink spiked? Maybe she is lying unconscious on the street somewhere.
My partner’s not answering his phone. What if he’s with another woman? Maybe it’s my sister.
Why have a got an ache in my chest? Is there something wrong with my heart? Could this be the build up to a heart attack?
Catastrophising
The pattern of thinking where we anticipate something bad happening to us, and then anticipate something worse that could happen as a consequence, and then something worse that that, and so on – this is called “catastrophising”. Some people seem to learn how to think catastrophically and catastrophise about something almost every day.
Catastrophising is a threat to our mental health. Every time we go through the process of catastrophic thinking, we add more stress to our lives, which in turn increases the activity of the amygdala – the fight or flight centre of our brain. This is like pouring fuel on the fire of other problems we might have:
People who already have poor mental health – such as anxiety, OCD or depression – may find their symptoms becoming worse when they catastrophise.
Some people live with chronic pain, caused by arthritis, fibromyalgia and the like. If they catastrophise they will often find that their pain become worse.
When is Worrying a Problem?
Most people have worries about the future, at least on occasions. Worrying about the future is not an issue, provided that it is kept under control. If we anticipate what might go wrong, we might be able to do something about it, or prepare for it.
If you worry about failing your exams – you can study for them.
If you worry about the spot on your arm or the pain in your chest – you can get a doctor to check you out.
If you worry about your daughter not coming home on time – you can phone up and check what’s going on.
If you are worried that your partner is not answering the phone, you can ask them why they didn’t answer when you see them next.
Of course, there are some things that people worry about that they can’t do anything about. They might worry about the dreadful things reported on the news. They might worry about the results of a medical test that they are not going to hear about until next week. These are wasted worries. If you cannot do anything about it, then worrying about it will not change the outcome.
Worrying only becomes a problem when it becomes our default way of thinking. If we are constantly worrying or catastrophising, then it impacts our mental and physical health. This is when we need to do something about it.
What Can We Do About It?
The last step is to turn it around. Ask yourself what will happen if everything goes right – what if you do pass the exam? What if that spot just turns out to be a benign mole? What if your partner simply forgot to turn their phone on?
The first step is to recognise that we are catastrophising. Ask yourself if these sort of “what if … what if” worry-cycle thoughts go through your head quite often.
Next, see how good you are at catching yourself doing it. You might start by just noting that you have had some catastrophising thoughts – but only after you have had them. Eventually, you will find that you can spot them mid-flow; you will realise that the same cycle of thinking of worse and worse scenarios is actually happening while you are doing it.
Once you can spot the cycle, while it is happening, don’t beat yourself up about it, just tell yourself, “That’s interesting, I am doing it again.”
Gradually, over a period of time, the cycle of catastrophising will lessen. Don’t be disappointed if it takes a while. You need patience. You are retraining your brain to think in a different way. If you are the worrying kind, your brain will be very experienced and very quick to worry. So practice, practice practice. Eventually, it will calm down and you will be able to get on with life as normal without the constant cycle of worry in your mind.
Getting Therapy
If you find you cannot manage to calm down the worry cycle on your own, you may want to seek help from a therapist. There are a lot of types of therapy available to help, among which are CBT and hypnotherapy.
I help worriers as well as those with other forms of anxiety. I use hypnotherapy to help them get back to their normal, calmer selves. I work out of my clinic in Fleet, Hampshire and also online. Do Contact Me if you want to have a chat.
References
Other articles that may be of interest include:
Catastrophising: How toxic thinking leads you down dark paths
There are things in life you can control – what you eat, what you do on a day off, and whether you lock your front door after you. There are also things in you life that you cannot control – getting ill, unexpected bills and winning the lottery. Most people have times when they worry about bad things that might happen to them.
The problem comes when they worry about things they cannot control – especially when they worry to excess. Worry turns into stress, and too much stress leads to anxiety. Anxiety can make you worry about things even more. It’s a vicious circle.
Worry is a useful thing if you have some control over what you are worrying about – because the worry motivates you to do something. If you worry about being burgled, you can install good locks on your door. If you worry about passing your exams, you can study.
Worry is bad for you if you cannot control what you are worrying about. If you made your house secure and you still worry about being burgled, or you have finished your exams and you still worry about the results – those worries are useless – because you have already done all you can.
Catastrophising …
The worries that are really bad for you are those that you catastrophise – that is, you worry about worse and worse consequences. For example, after sleeping through the alarm, you might worry you’re going to be late for work, and then you worry that you will be in trouble with your boss, and then you worry you will get a bad review, and then you worry that you’ll be sacked, and then you worry that you’ll never get another job again … this is called catastophising.
Any worry, useful or otherwise adds stress that your brain needs to deal with. Too much stress and you develop problems such as anxiety.
What to do …
Simply understanding what worries are within your control starts the process of worrying less. So, if you are a worrier, start by making two lists – a list of things you worry about and have some control over, and a list of things you worry about that you have no control over.
On the list of things that you have some control over, under each item, write down what you could to to help. And the other list … you can throw that one away, or file it at the bottom of a drawer somewhere – as there is nothing you can do about those.
If you need help …
Not everyone can sort out their anxiety on their own. I help people who are only just coping with anxiety. I use hypnotherapy to enable them regain control of their lives and get rid of the unwanted symptoms. Call me.
“Don’t worry … Be happy” … thus sang Bobby McFerrin in 1988. But what if you can’t stop worrying? It’s all very well saying that you shouldn’t worry about things you cannot control, but what if you do worry and can’t control your thoughts?
Thoughts that we cannot control come from the unconscious part of our brain – the bit we are not aware of. If the unconscious decides that you need to be made aware of something, it will send a message to the conscious part of your brain, and you experience this as a thought or feeling popping into your head.
Now, when the unconscious part of your brain gets used to reminding you of things that might go wrong (even when you can’t control them), you start to worry. The thoughts go round and round in your head, thinking of all the disasters that could happen (but probably won’t) and this makes you anxious.
So how do you stop the unconscious part of your brain creating worry? After all, worry is only useful in order to get you to do something about the potential problems; after that, it’s no use at all.
You have to train the brain to think more calmly, and this might take time. A simple trick is to find something to do that absorbs your mind … which you can do when you notice that you have started worrying. Distracting the mind is the simplest way to start retraining the unconscious part of your brain.
In the longer term, find ways to de-stress your life. The less stress you are under, the less your mind will worry, and the less anxiety you will have. As the worry lessens you will become more of a warrior than a worrier.
And don’t worry … you are not alone. I meet people everyday who are worriers, not only in my hypnotherapy clinic, but in everyday life. It’s my job to turn worriers into warriors.
