Tim Maude Hypnotherapy

Author: Tim

  • FOMO Induced Anxiety

    FOMO Induced Anxiety

    In 2004, in an article for the Harvard Business School, Patrick J McGinnis coined a new word – FOMO – the Fear of Missing Out. Simply put, FOMO is the fear that other people are getting something that you are not – so you are missing out. Since McGinnis first coined the term, there has been a growing realisation of how important FOMO is – and in particular, its impact on anxiety, depression and other mental disorders.

    FOMO has become far more prevalent in the age of social media, and it works like this …

    Jo has lots of friends on social media. When her friends do something interesting or exciting, they post about it. Jo also follows several good looking social media influencers. These influencers get lots of photos taken of themselves (and, believe me, they have trained themselves to pose so that they look really good). They choose the best photos to publish. Jo also follows other people who have really interesting hobbies and publish photos of the highlights.

    So Jo is bombarded with pictures, videos and other posts which are all exciting – the people sho follows at their best. She spends several hours every day keeping up with all her friends and those she follows.

    Now Jo compares her life with the lives she sees on her phone. Her own life is filled with a lot of drab, boring times and just a few exciting or interesting times. Her own appearance looks dull and boring when compared with the beautiful pictures that the influencers post.

    So by making this comparison, Jo’s life and looks are way down the scale when compared with all the highlights – the very best of the lives and the best of the pictures – that she sees on her phone. And this comparison, even though it may be entirely unconscious, creates stress – it creates a fear of missing out. Maybe she is not doing enough. Maybe she should look more like the influencers. More stress … more anxiety.

    There is a skill to becoming content with who you are and what you are doing with your life. When you compare yourself and your life to what you see on social media, you are always going to be disappointed. FOMO has become the mental disorder of the Internet Age.

    So ask yourself a few questions:

    How much time do I spend on social media each day? (You phone may have a “screen time” monitor that will tell you this.)
    Is that time well spent?
    Would you be better off or worse off spending less time on your phone?
    On a scale of 1 to 10, how happy does being on social media make you?
    How content are you just to be happy with who you really are?

    If you are still struggling making the changes that you need to, and you want some help, then you can always contact me. Here in my clinic in Fleet, I help people who are only just coping with anxiety and stress. I use hypnotherapy to help them regain control in their lives.

    Photo by ROBIN WORRALL on Unsplash

  • New Year’s Resolutions … A New Approach

    New Year’s Resolutions … A New Approach

    Traditionally, New Year is the time to start afresh – a time to make New Year’s resolutions – a time to change all those habits that we wish we didn’t do – a time to loose weight, cut down on drinking, and go to the gym more often. We start the year with good intentions to improve ourselves, only to slip back into those bad habits a few weeks later.

    The problem is that changing our bad habits is inevitably stressful. Our brains have got used to a certain way of life. Changing that way of life means that our minds have to change too – and that adds stress. This can be particularly difficult for those with anxiety or depression, because the additional stress can push them further into those conditions. And so it is almost inevitable that the resolutions fail.

    The enemy of New Year’s resolutions is your subconscious mind. It does not like change. It finds change stressful. When you resolve to behave differently, the subconscious fights against it. It makes you forget, or makes you think of excuses of why you should forget the resolution today and start again tomorrow.

    So here is my suggestion for a new approach to New Year’s resolutions:

    I would like to achieve X

    The first step is to state something positive that you want to achieve, rather than stating a new habit you want, or something you want to stop doing. So instead of saying, “I will go to the gym three times a week”, say, “I want to be fitter.” Instead of saying, “I will diet and loose weight”, say, “I want to fit comfortably into my summer clothes.”

    When you state it in this positive, “I want to achieve …” form, your subconscious mind is much more likely to accept the idea. It adds far less stress to your life when you have an ambition, rather than an additional “rule” that you feel you “have to do”.

    I believe it is possible to achieve X

    The next thing is to check with yourself to make sure you really believe you can achieve it. You might say, “I want to look at the view from the top of Mount Everest.” While this is a great ambition to have, if, in your heart-of-hearts, you don’t really believe it is achievable, then your subconscious mind will not help you get there.

    I can do Y that sets me off on the path to achieve X

    The final stage is to decide on one small step that you can do that will set you off on the right path. It has to be something you know you can do without too much effort or stress. So if you want to get fitter, maybe your first step is to go for a short walk after lunch. If you want to fit into your summer clothes, maybe the first step is to eat more vegetables and less starch for your meal tonight.

    Choose something that stretches you a little bit, but not too much. If that one action is not too much of a change, then your subconscious will not work against you.

    Repeat

    Every so often (maybe once a day or once a week) do it all again. Remind yourself what you want to achieve and what life will be like for you when you achieve it. Check with yourself that you still believe it is possible, and choose another small task that will take you one step forward towards your goal.

    Change is difficult, especially for those that struggle with anxiety or depression. But we need change in order to improve our lives – which is particularly important for those who are struggling.

    If you have difficulty sticking with your New Year’s resolutions, then what you are doing doesn’t work … so do something else … have a go with the formula outlined above.

    If you are still struggling making the changes that you need to, and you want some help, then you can always contact me. Here in my clinic in Fleet, I help people who are only just coping with anxiety and stress. I use hypnotherapy to help them regain control in their lives.

    Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

  • Are you feeling SAD?

    Are you feeling SAD?

    Seasonal Affective Disorder, aptly known as SAD, will be at its worst this week – that is to say, for sufferers in the Northern Hemisphere, where the 21st of December is the shortest day of the year. However, we can all rejoice in the fact that the days are now going to get longer. SAD does not appear to effect people who live near the equator, where there is less variation in the amount of daylight throughout the year.

    SAD is usually described as being a type of depression that comes about when the days get shorter. It is also known to increase anxiety in some individuals. Those who suffer from SAD will have many of the symptoms of depression, such as low mood, irritability, loss of interest, low sex drive, and increased levels of anxiety.

    There are theories around why some people suffer from SAD when natural light levels are low, but we don’t know for certain. Maybe the lack of natural light causes a drop in some critical brain chemicals – serotonin and melatonin in particular. Maybe it alters the natural circadian rhythms, or maybe it’s just because it’s easier to cope with the hardships of life when the sun is shining and you don’t have to wrap up to stay warm.

    Treatments for SAD tend to be similar to those for depression and anxiety – antidepressant medication to alter the chemical balance in the brain, or therapy to adjust how our brains are wired. Some people use light therapy – the use of an artificial light that has the same wavelengths of natural sunlight. The scientific proof of how well this works has not been proven to everyone’s satisfaction yet. However, if it works for you … then it works for you.

    Whether or not your anxiety increases in the winter months, If you want to get your life back in control, and get your anxiety level back to where it should be, you may consider getting help. I help people who are only just coping with stress and anxiety to regain control of their lives. I use hypnotherapy, in my clinic here in Fleet, to help them get to where they want to.

    Photo by Jorge Salvador on Unsplash

  • What is the Anxiety Norm?

    What is the Anxiety Norm?

    What is a normal amount of stress … or a normal amount of anxiety? That is an interesting question, because there is no right answer. When a new client comes to me suffering from anxiety, I usually ask them what they want instead – and a very common answer to that question is, “I want to be normal.”

    Many years ago, when I worked in the corporate world, I lived my life in continuous high stress. I got so used to being stressed, that I just assumed that everyone else felt the same as me. It did not occur to me that I had the choice. High stress had become the norm. And now I help people with high levels of stress that have become anxiety – and I find that they often have the same problem.

    The problem is that they don’t know how to reduce their stress levels, and so it doesn’t occur to them that they have a choice. They don’t need to live their lives in a constant state of stress. That doesn’t mean that they have to stop doing what they’re doing and go and live life as a monk in a Tibetan monastery! It just means changing small aspects of their lives to get everything back into control again.

    So … just as an experiment … try gauging yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 is the absolute pits, and 10 is the best life ever) … where is your life right now. (Don’t worry – this is not scientific – it’s just your immediate subjective view.) Now imagine what your life would be with the anxiety gone and the stress levels reduced down to very low. How would that impact your life. Now start to imagine that achieving that is possible.

    So what is the stress and anxiety norm? Of course – there is no norm. You can live your life with your anxiety set to whatever level you want. I prefer mine to be turned way down.

    It took me a long time to work out how to reduce my stress and anxiety to my current (very chilled) level. I did it on my own and it took years. If you want help getting your life back in control, or you want to do it faster than I did on my own, you might consider getting help. This is now my job – helping people who are only just coping with stress and anxiety to regain control of their lives. I use hypnotherapy, in my clinic here in Fleet, to help them get to where they want to.

    Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Unsplash

  • The Clinic in the Garden

    The Clinic in the Garden

    I sit at my desk, here in my hypnotherapy clinic, having taken all of 10 seconds to walk over from my house. The sun is shining and I can look out at the garden and see the leaves need clearing from the lawn. They can wait until the weekend because, right now, now I am waiting for my next client.

    My client has not been here before, so I go out to the road to greet him. We shake hands and walk back to the clinic in the garden. The clinic is a purpose-built room, where we can talk confidentially. He gets the nice comfortable chair, while I sit in my office chair. He looks at the pictures on the wall, and the garden through the window, but mostly he looks at me, wondering what will happen next.

    I ask him how I can help and he tells me all his problems. I listen to what he has to say, but what I really want to know comes in the next question … “You have told me about your problems … now what do you want instead?” You see, I am not really interested in where the problem came from; what I am interested in is how he wants to be when it’s all sorted out.

    The Hypnotherapy Clinic in the garden

    I get some more background information, and then start to explain what is actually going on in his head. I get out a diagram of a human brain and show him the different parts and how they interact. I explain what stress does to the brain, and how the brain naturally deals with it. I show him the part of the brain that is probably giving rise to the problems he has. Understanding the mechanics of the brain, even in the simplest terms, is the first step to moving on.

    And then I ask him if he would like to try a bit of hypnotherapy – just for relaxation, you understand; just so you get a feel for what it is. I show him how the seat goes back and he can put his feet up. He lies back and just listens as I start talking. I notice his breathing slows as he relaxes and drifts in and out of a light trance, until at last I come to the end. He sits up with a smile on his face.

    And so ends the initial consultation. He understands a bit more about it all and has an experience of what hypnotherapy is all about. He can now decide if this is right for him, and whether to book in for a series of session. And I have enough information about him to prepare for when he comes next week.

    I shake hands again as he leaves. I sit and type up my hand written notes. As I put the paper notes through the shredder, I go through, in my own head, what to do when he comes back next week.

    The real delight for me at the end of the day, as I make my 10 second commute back to the house, is all the people who thank me for what I have done for them. And maybe I shouldn’t take delight in that – because really, they have done it all themselves – I just went along for the journey.

  • Police trailing hypnotherapy for anxiety

    Police trailing hypnotherapy for anxiety

    I am really pleased to see Northumbria Police trialing Solution Focused Hypnotherapy to assist with officers and staff with anxiety and depression – and getting an 80% success rate. This is a brilliant example of an independent review of the techniques I use in my clinic every week.

    https://www.peterboroughmatters.co.uk/news/23145061.police-plan-mental-health-hypnotherapy-scheme-roll/

    Photo by Ehimetalor Akhere Unuabona on Unsplash